I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
