u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
