it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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