I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
