i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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