the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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