We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
