Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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