mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
