I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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