Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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