Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
