I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The ass gains better be worth it
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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