you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
