Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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