I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
