Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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