she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
