She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
