ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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