im drinking this country out of the recession.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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