Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
