did you get engaged???
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
