The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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