Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
