he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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