guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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