I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Randomize
