I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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