Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
