wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
