sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
we're so committed to being not committed
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
