WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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