he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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