We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
