i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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