my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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