it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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