he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
