Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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