im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
