She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
