I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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