Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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