please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
