my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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