1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
