What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
