I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Screwed.edu
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
