He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
