I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
