my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
