My liver just broke up with me...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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