i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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